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Thursday, September 20, 2007

Eh.

Have you ever had the feeling that you *just don't want to go home*?

I've been sitting here, essentially finished with everything I needed to get done today. But for some reason I just don't want to turn my computer off, ride the elevator down to the lobby, walk to my car, get in and drive home.

Maybe it's because soon it won't be my home anymore and I'll have yet another home to populate with things and pictures and sounds to make it feel like I am supposed to be there. But in the end, I don't really. Feel like I am supposed to be there.

My home was a feeling I lost some time ago and I can't seem to find a replacement.
It scurries across the pages of books and floats above the memory of places I've been but I can't catch it. It makes it's way through my nervous system like the vibration of a window with a passing train. I remember what it feels like but it's just out of reach.

And now, it seems these cookie cutter surroundings of this anytown u.s.a. office lump me in with the rest of the complacent. Indifferent. My generation that assumes a thousand faces that borrow my own.

And I just don't want to go home.

5 comments:

country roads said...

I've lived with that feeling for many, many years. I don't know what it is that constitutes a home, but I don't think I've found it yet; believe me, I've looked everywhere. Although, with this new place I feel closer to content and I think it's because with each step it becomes more of my own or maybe I become more of my own...or both. ?

sam said...

This is maybe one of the saddest posts I have ever read. Everyone needs a place they can call home, a place where you are secure and safe, where you feel comfortable. A place that you long to return to. I know for me it is more about the people in that special place called home than the place itself. Its not the real estate but the joy that brings me back day after day.

Homer said...

good post. amazing writing

The Brooklyn Boy said...

This, dear, is a wonderfully devastating post. You will make a home yours, one day. Chin up.

LP said...

damn...should i be taking offense? that you dont want to come home to my fine arse laying lazily upon the couch beckoning you to join me for a flick and some good convo? eel. i apologize...