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Friday, September 07, 2007

I'll play your heart like Playstation.

Yesterday I found myself commenting, "Oh, I play the aloof card a lot...it works everytime."

And there it was, right then I realized, I'm a game player. I can't help it. Ever since I found myself in that first blossoming relationship, all at once naive with optimism, then disillusioned by reality.

I never learned to crawl before I learned to walk.

But I wasn't born a game player. I just sort of...evolved into one. Out of habit? Out of self-preservation? I don't know. But I know that more often than not I find myself searching the console of my heart for the "Off" button on this game; only mine made it through the assembly line at the warehouse without anyone catching that it only had an "On" button. Screwed by quality control again.

I'm defective.

So I'm sorry guys, I owe you an apology. It's not my fault I'm this way, or it is.
All I know is that I fear I might always be this way, feeding you lines, playing your heart, never revealing too much, but anxiously waiting for that factory recall.

10 comments:

fear.of.landing said...

Don't worry, one day someone will take the time and energy to figure out the cheat codes to your game. And you'll know he is worth it cause of all the effort he was willing to put in.

Peter DeWolf said...

Interesting.

I was convinced for years that I only had one setting: smug, sarcastic bastard with walls up. ("aloof" was also one of the colours in that rainbow.)

Eventually that started seeming like work. Possibly because I found a decent relationship for a while. I became more open -- though probably too far that way sometimes.

I'll find that middle ground one of these days. Maybe.

brazilian said...

one day, it will seem to much of a waste of effort to be aloof - you won't have the energy for it, because you like the guy too much.

it'll happen.

brazilian said...

o

country roads said...

There has to be a middle ground. I'm looking for my 'off' button too...or a reset switch..either way.

The Stormin Mormon said...

Aloof is only fun as long as you have someone willing to play that game.

It can go south quick...

That said, I've been on the other side of that one before, and can't deny that the chase is entertaining.

sam said...

In most cases aloof is a default setting that insures against a broken heart. Real love is the only known cure!

mindy said...

It's like you're a guy I've dated! It's like you're every guy I've dated!

Irish and Jew said...

Ehh don't feel bad we all do it... it takes a big person to admit it. If I hear one more bitch say, "I hate playing games," I mean cause really those are of the Milton fucking Bradleys everyone needs to watch out for!

~Irish

So@24 said...

i think you using the reference of "playing my heart like a playstation" is good enough for me.

sold!