Monday, August 27, 2007

Why I wait.

So maybe I am imperfect--flawed. Somebody slap a 20% off imperfection discount sticker on me and kick me off the shelf. You vilify me with your classic good looks and spotless smile. I will never be as good as you claim to be, though I am not sure that is something I want. I am the blackened B flat to your gleaming ivory C note. You're always the hero of the chord and I fumble along behind, the awkward sounding crescendo that follows.

But there is something damaged beneath your halo that makes me hang around, makes me risk being swallowed by the tide as I paddle through the overwhelming wave of you. I've had stronger emotional connections with family pets. But I'm still here. Layer upon layer, my emotions fall over me, thick and covering. Like an art student's over-puttied reproduction of the David, I have become unrecognizable. It's my defense and I have reasons for it. What are yours?

And as I watch the corners of your mouth upturn for another one of your casual, persuasive smiles, I catch your eye and for an ephemeral moment there is something there more intimate.

You are not without.


Peter DeWolf said...

See, I dig this one too.

There is something about self-awareness that allows one to find hope in what might look hopeless from the outside.

Or there's a freedom in knowing that you are fooling yourself.

Or something.

Plus, is there ever a bad time to use "ephemeral?"

dmbmeg said...

"It's across the body, Gates."

Hellafied said...

Peter: You definitely got what I was going for. That makes me happy. Thanks.

Don: "More dynamic!! Crisp movements! You'd never make the cut on stage, Gates."

dmbmeg said...

[points index finger and middle finger straight forward into the air. Moves arm forward and backwards]

"This pretzel smells like pussy!"

dmbmeg said...

I don't care if he has the emotional capacity of a 2 year old. I love him, and always will.

Anonymous said...

This is really well written. And PD gave a nice exegesis.

There's a freedom in knowing that you are fooling yourself.

Ain't that the truth.

Hellafied said...

Don: He's one of a kind, isn't he? On anyone else those qualities wouldn't be so endearing.

Mortar: Well thank you. Now, let's talk about how you used the word "exegesis" before 5 p.m. I really don't know if I can handle that. I haven't had ANY caffeine today.

sam said...

Sometimes when I want something so very much, I see things that aren't really there or I construe a glimmer into something it was never intended to be. But if it creates happiness where there would be none, what's the harm.

Hellafied said...

Sam: I like your outlook. And I agree.

Anonymous said...

Ugh, I hear ya on the caffeine. I had the inkling of a sore throat this morning. I've got no time to be sick, so I've been chugging Emergen-C.

Scottsdale Girl said...

My first thought?
Fucking MEN! GAH!

But I, am perhaps, jaded in my old age.

Because my second thought was that of my "prince" who can get away with so much crap just by smirking at me the right way.