'Stache

I'm at The 'Stache today.

Do I have a black cloud over my head?

My bank just called and informed me that my debit card number was stolen and someone in Michigan just charged $2000 in merchandise.

I'm going to go throw myself off a building.

Seriously, what's next?

The eye of the storm.

I have past the freaking out, bang my head against the wall stage that I have wandered in and out of for the past several weeks and have settled into an eerie calm, very suspicious of the type serial killers must feel before they dismember their victims.

I've started drinking caffeine again, which should probably be discordant to this eerie calm, but it's not. I think something popped in my brain and the caffeine is the only thing keeping my heart beating.

I'm so stressed that I don't know how stressed I am because I've never been this stressed before.

I'm afraid in two days when I arrive at my parents' house for Christmas that I'm just going to go nuts. Like, nut job nuts. Like Bushmill's on ice, slurring my words at the dinner table nuts. Like laying in the middle of Palatine Rd. with my dress over my head nuts. Like arrested and booked nuts.

I need to purge some sins. Bad.

Tuesday night when I got home from work around 8 p.m., I sat on my couch and bounced my knee repeatedly as I bit my fingernails, staring at the coffee table blankly. I counted the hours there are ahead of me before I am be able to take the vacation I was supposed to take next week three weeks from now.

It's 552.

I think I've lost my mind.

And this peculiar calm isn't helping.

And here's the main reason why. In a season where love is supposed to be proverbially "all around", the dark side of people has revealed itself to me. That's disheartening.

I am trying to look for the silver lining in things. As I mentioned, its a quality I've discovered in myself that surprises and enriches my life more and more every day. I have retained my optimism even in the thickest spots of adversity. I don’t know how...or why, but it's stayed with me.

And I know that one of these days some asshole is going to knock me down and I won't get back up so easily or eagerly, but friends, today is not that day.

The silver lining I was talking about earlier happened to reveal itself today in the form of a little girl in red tights trudging through the snow wearing snowflake mittens.

Under stress or not, Christmas truly is a wonderful time of the year.

Take notice of all of the other cars around you in the next couple of days. Each one of them will be packed with people, families, friends. Lights will seem brighter, people friendlier.

It warms my heart to know that on at least one night of the year we are all heading in the same direction, all traveling away from loneliness and toward family and peace.

It is, without question, the best time of year.

Merry Christmas to all.

I'm about to pull some CSI shit.

What are the odds that this fucker is the one who jacked my shit?

http://chicago.craigslist.org/chc/pts/513949552.html

I don't know, but if you're going to steal a GPS system, be smart enough to steal the proof of purchase with the serial number on it asshole.

Perhaps you would like to see the "Before" photo...

You're not a Chicagoan unless you get some shit stolen.

I swear to god if I ever find those fucks that took my GPS Navi I will fucking murder them.

This is what happened to me yesterday. Happy fucking holidays.

A few things you may not know about me.

I don’t believe honesty is always the best policy.

I whistle in the car when I'm by myself.

Marriage makes me uncomfortable, but I believe strongly in monogamy and fidelty.

I always leave a big tip.

I make the same mistakes over and over again. It's not that I don't learn from them, it's just that I choose to ignore the outcomes.

Libraries make me nervous. Too much selection.

I can’t sleep in a completely silent room.

I’m jealous of the life I lead in my head.

I really, really, really dislike milk.

I steal snapshots of moments in my days and relive them when I’m sleeping. Sometimes, I change the outcomes.

I don’t regret even the worst decisions I've made in my life. Honestly.

My sister, Kate, is the most important thing in my life. Without one second of hesitation.

I love being alone, but when I want company, the urge is overwhelming.

Certain paintings make me cry.

I don’t believe that every person is supposed to have only one great love in their lifetime, but many.

I don’t like my hands.

I am obsessed with the scent of vanilla.

I can’t take naps.

I absolutely adore horror films.

I can read in French better than I can speak it. And understand it spoken better than I can read it.

I don’t sing in the shower, but I do when I take a bath.

I still remember my junior high school locker combination.

Cooking shows relax me.

I have three scars on my right shoulder from rotator cuff surgery.

I have very little self control when it comes to love.

I prefer white wine to red, but think red wine is sexier.

I look at things and see what they are not.

I like cheap, dirty jokes.

I can count to ten in Japanese and can say “Go upstairs and put your sweater on” in Greek.

I don’t like to think about my future. I used to all the time, and it was making me sad.

I used to have a dwarf hamster named “Biggie Smalls”.

I never learned to type with the right fingers.

Sometimes I wake up and think my dreams from the night before are real.

I will always forgive.

I am more optmistic now than I have ever been. This quality suprises and enriches my life every day.

I think people’s flaws say the most about them.

Algebra is my Achilles’ heel.

I love winter. Even in Chicago.

I’m not afraid of death; but I'm afraid that doubt will kill me.

I’d rather know, than not know.

I make a pretty convincing monkey face.

Make me laugh and I'm yours.

Congrats Nick & Sarah.

p.s. I love you.

To cheat or not to cheat...

Her latest post really got me thinking about something I haven't thought about in a while. I haven't been in an exclusive relationship for nearly three years now, so this isn't something I typically have to address on a daily basis.

Most of you know I was in a relationship for about six years with a lovely, but sadly immature guy. He knows this. If by chance he's reading now, I'm sure he'd agree. The majority (4 of the 6 years) of our relationship was spent pining for each other across two states in college. In hindsight, the long distance relationship though convenient, is doomed. It is a poor excuse for the real thing, a disembodied voice on the other end of the phone. How do you believe in the fidelity of just a voice? It's tough.

Anyways, without going off the subject too much, let me just say that I've been there. The worst part, for me, about being tempted to cheat is being burdened with the awful knowledge that I most certainly would get away with it.

I may not have been a saint in college, but I made the choice every night not to be a sinner.

And that's the thing. Cheating is a choice.

As I said, it is a conscious effort. Like flossing. Or dieting.

The choices we make in life define who we are and what we believe in. And let's face it, the devil is on all of our shoulders, whispering into all of our ears. No one is exempt.

But you can choose not to listen.

To me the question of cheating is so black and white. And that's saying something coming from a girl who lives her life happily breaststroking through the choppy waters of gray area.

You can make up a laundry list of excuses for it if you want. What it comes down to is that everyone has a moment where they say to themselves, "I'm not going to do this" and move on. Either you listen to yourself or you don't. There's no elaborate process.

This is not to say that I am the definitive source on cheating, by any means. At this point in my life I can't decide between who I want to be: the sinner or the saint. But I CAN choose not to force someone else to live with that decision.

Because that's really what it comes down to. If you can't control that urge, then you probably shouldn't be in a relationship. With anyone.

It turns out...

The cure for my congestion is massive amounts of hot chocolate and ohymygoddidijustwatchallofjohntuckermustdie?

Yep. Works like a charm.

Can you die of congestion?

I just might.