Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Doesn't share well with others.

In an age where the "share everything" mentality has become the mantra of all twenty-somethings, I have to think, why?

Why do I feel compelled to churn away at my keyboard, advancing screen after screen of thought after thought. Why do I not feel some sort of satisfaction from censoring the good parts and keeping them for myself?

There was a time when writing was a very private thing for me. When I could sit down, get black on white and come full circle within myself. Some people figure things out with equations or by talking it out with a therapist until it makes sense. I figure things out on paper. With words. With the way they sound. How each one connects to each other. And after I place that last period, my thoughts somehow end up making sense.

That hasn't come as easily to me lately and I can't help but feel that in gaining an audience, I've also lost something.

I think there's something to being transparent. To disclose without fear or favor. But lately, all of this capricious divulging seems purposeless and unoriginal. It seems driven by a motivation that's foreign to me. And I don't feel as close to my thoughts as I usually do.

Maybe it's because instead of coming full circle on paper, I've finally done it out there. In real life.

And now. There's just less to figure out.


Rambler said...

good thing about blogging is that there are no real its like we do what we feel like, with no one to question. Since I use a screen name, I write about very private of my thoughts, and one of the main reasons for me to start a blog, is to stop censoring my thoughts as per society.
but sometimes these internal dilemmas , to write or not to write can expose yourself a lot more than what we think.

Joanna Schmidt said...

I have been thinking so much about this lately too. Am I writing for me or them? What drives me?

Some days, I think that the blogging causes a mental break and barrier to the real thing, and other times I wish the people around me physically read what I write on my blog so they could get to know me better.

How does that make any sense?

Peter said...

It seems driven by a motivation that's foreign to me. And I don't feel as close to my thoughts as I usually do.

Yes. Just yes.

A Lil' Irish Lass said...

This post was dead-on. I have maintained transparency, for the most part, over at The Craic. I haven't censored myself because that wasn't the point of this whole thing when I started, over a year ago. However, it invites an onslaught of judgment - both internal and external. I've gotten comments that make me cringe. I worry when I hit "publish" what the reaction will be. Especially amongst the readers I "know." I worry that it's changed my writing, whether I'm cognizant of it or not.

I think that all we can do is stick to what makes us happy, what gets us through, what made us want to start doing this in the first place. If we lose our entire audience in the process, so be it.

kristin b said...

hellooo! just wanted to let you know i read your post on indie bloggers and i beyond LOVED it!

sam said...

People who have been blessed with the gift of talent, should feel an obligation to share it. It seems to me that this blog is the perfect vehicle to groom your craft and share selected works with the public. Although it is therapeutic to bare one's soul from time to time, not every secret is meant to be shared.