Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Not the Year of Megan

So the universe decided for whatever reason that this year it was going to fuck with me.

And I'm not talking just "Hey look we just made that girl trip on a crack in the sidewalk, isn't that funny" fuck with me. I'm talking someone up there has something against me fuck with me. Serious stuff.

In the past fourteen months I have suffered the following catastrophes:

March 2007, Drunk driver slams into my car on my way home from work one Friday night, totaling my car, leaving me devastated.

November 2007, My only living grandparent passes away completely unexpectedly.

December 2007, Fall victim to theft and vandalism, when some stupid assface decides one week before Christmas to break into my new car and steal my GPS Navi, rip out my dashboard, render the car useless and leave me in the dead of winter without heat and a broken window.

December 2007, Shitty insurance coverage. Nothing is paid for. $900 just to have to heat fixed. Can't afford to replace Navi, or even buy terrible replacement radio. Tolerate gaping hole in dash for seven months.

December 2007, Chase Bank notifies me that my credit card identity has been stolen and $3000 has been charged to my account.

January 2008, End nearly decade long relationship with high school sweetheart, true love, first love. Heart shattered yet again for the thousandth time.

March 2008, My book publishes. Receive publisher's copy and realize it has been chopped to shit. Not my words. My heart aches. My moment in time blackened.

April 2008, My sister gives away our dog. This one speaks for itself.

June/September 2008, City of Chicago perpetuates my now predictable cycle of bad luck with unrelenting, ruthless ticketing of my car and final boot placement. Humiliated and downtrodden, I take public transportation to City Hall.

July 2008, The great apartment plumbing fiasco occurs. All of a sudden thrust into a living hell of landlords, rusty sewer water and $800 worth of damage to my beautiful closet and all of its beautiful and irreplaceable contents.

September 2008, MOVING HELL. I aged ten years in this process. There were moments where I woke up crying after falling asleep sobbing.

October 2008, Lose $10,000 in investments. Only a "paper loss" my ass. It's still the largest sum of money I've ever gambled away. Watch feebly and helplessly as my year-to-date return dwindles daily. Gasp. Sigh. Repeat.

October 2008, Latest, and hopefully last, catastrophe of the year. Wake up one morning with a stiff neck, think nothing of it. Next morning find myself admitted to the hospital, IV stuck in my arm, doctors ordering cat scans. Final diagnosis, that subtle neck pain was actually a rare throat infection called epiglottitis, that of all things, can be fatal. No, seriously, Google it. I had to.

And listen, I know I have a lot of good things going on in my life, too. I'm the first person in line with that paint brush, ready to paint my own silver lining, trust me.

I know there are people out there who have it much worse than me and that's how I rationalize not throwing myself into traffic on Lakeshore Drive whenever the next disaster decides to saunter its way into my life. I feel like I've done a pretty good job of dealing with all of these things as they come, but I'm seriously at the point where I'm starting to wonder if life will ever get easier? All of these things together make me wonder if I am going to be fighting with bad luck for the rest of my days on earth.

I guess right now what I need is a sunny day and hug. Some friendly encouragement. Maybe some spiced apple cider. And a cute puppy licking my face. And an iPod Touch.


The Universe said...

Sorry about that.

If I told you to watch out for the ol' "Saran Wrap over the toilet seat" trick at work, would that make you hate me less?

Cunning_Linguist said...

lol.... kept adding "and".

Reminds me of the Steve Martin movie The Jerk. He was totally slammed down as far as life goes, got run out of his house and was grabbing things along the way that would make him happy.

I have a feeling '09 will be the "Year of Gates". My palm is itchy... so it has to be true.

JenBun said...

Holy crap, woman! Looking at all of that, all in one place, in one list is enough to bowl over anyone!

I'm sorry it's been rough lately.

Make a list of all the GOOD things that happened in the past 14 months! :)

Eternal optimist strikes again...


Chocobo said...

Last year was frickin' awful for me. I burned out in school, learned that I hate what I'm studying and burned through so much money you wouldn't even believe it. And I'm pretty sure I put on at least 40 lbs. I even had terrible thoughts of suicide for the first time in about 10 years.

This year I feel better. I can't even remember all of what made me feel so bad. Things are going much better.

It's a little trite, but this too shall pass and eventually things will start looking up for you.

Joanna said...

One day you will look back and laugh and write about this. This will pass.

In the meantime, how 'bout that apple cider?

joy said...

Sheesh. You have a lot of endurance just for surviving all of that, much less with the positivity that permeates your writing. It does seem like an overabundance of trials... When I'm feeling overwhelmed by my own hard times, I try to write out (after venting my frustration of course) the lessons I've learned from each downfall/catastrophe. (Though I will admit, sometimes the lesson just seems to be if there is a God, she HATES me.)

Here's to much much brighter days ahead!

Hellafied said...

You are all amazing. Thank you so much for the words of encouragement. Definitely what I need! Keep 'em coming!!

sam said...

Yeah life sucks, get over it! At least you have a new love and a new apartment to decorate. Things could be much worse.

Playoff Beard said...

I too am an eternal optimist & my thought is there's nowhere to go but up from here. The karma train will pull in after all of the crap you've gone through & you'll be okay.

As a virgin commenter, I want to thank you for the entertainment your blog provides. You've made many work days fly by. Thanks for curing the weekly homesickness of a transplanted Chicagoan.

Pragmacat said...

I've found myself craving a solid month of cold drizzly days, a book or twenty, a couch, a blanket, a cup of hot chocolate and a fireplace. It's practically non-stop. The last couple of years have been utter shit - I'm sorry to hear you've been having a rough time.

Also: *e-hug*

Anonymous said...

On the plus side you've exchanged many e-mails with me. I mean... Come on.

I've taken the liberty of writing a strongly-worded letter to the universe on your behalf. I may or may not have referred to it as a "cockface."